Picture a college campus, and a student is walking up and down the sidewalks, she is among a crowd of other students doing the same thing; there's excitement and a lot of nervousness running through everyone, only adding to the stimulation of being surrounded by a ton of people. There are tables all along the the grass with peers standing by it ready to answer any questions. It's rush week and each student is thinking the same thought: who do I want to be with? Who wants to be with me? They are looking to see what group they will fit in and the group's representatives are looking to see who they want (or need). Now picture this same set up at a church.
In the beginning of small group season members have to decide what group they want to join and each group leader needs to recruit, so stylistically, a rush week setup is perfect. Each church goer deserves options, especially, those new to the church who still don't know what they want. Similar to rush week, church members walk around reading the home made posters: "Hebrew Bible Study," "Young Professionals," "Young Families," "Read through the Wisdom Literature," "Ladies Bible Study," "Financial Peace University." Through this model, people will have a lot of great options and it shows how active and alive your church is; they will have that awesome feeling you get when you go shopping and can pick out whatever you want, because you're the customer.
Except the last time Jesus was at a market, that was in a church, he flipped the tables.
...Yes, that 1st part is tongue-in-cheek, but there is some truth to the church giving into the consumerism it also complains about. It's no secret we've adopted a lot of marketing tactics that help with drawing people into the church by appealing to the consumer part of us, but, as we've all been told, once we start with that path it's hard to not keep giving into what we want. After all, the customer is always right.
And if making your customers happy is found anywhere during your church planning meetings with the staff then there's a good chance your small groups might be wondering how to do the same thing. And so this constant cycle of bringing in consumers instead of building up producers continues; and guess what, consumers aren't looking to help others, producers are. Consumers aren't looking to encourage and exhort others, just the producers. Consumers aren't looking for ways to give themselves to someone as a friend, they're looking to find someone that will be a friend to them. Christian consumers don't show Jesus to others, because when we are on consumer-mode our mindset is about us. This may be a reason people around us aren't impressed by Jesus that much; we may not be a racist, or mean, or a liar, or a bad friend, but we aren't sacrificial and generous either (when we're consumers) which is a big part of Jesus. If we want to have a Small Group that help shape us into Jesus then we need to have small groups that can be shaped by Jesus (I know, profound).
"Authentic community" shouldn't only be a church buzz-word or what we call our accountability group when we confess to them our sin-of-the-week; authentic community is....our group of friends. Grant it some group of friends are birthed out of accountability groups or from choosing a small group off of a menu, but "authentic community" has been popular now for a while and for most of us we're looking right pass it. For a lot of us, we're looking for something besides the friends God gave us, because of the consumer in us. A group of friends that have agreed to follow Jesus is the small group that will be shaped by Jesus and, in turn, become the small group that shapes us to become producers like Jesus. So what does a small group of friends have to do to be shaped by Jesus? A) be out in the world and open to it; B) be a good friend to each other by simply caring; and C) serve together.
1) Don't have to be friends with everyone, just friendly:
Jesus was seen by everyone, everywhere when he was alive. And not only did they see him, but they saw who he was. They saw the compassion and the miracles. Leadership and servant-hood at the same time. They also saw how much fun he was, I mean it was a group of guys on a road trip together, of course they were having fun. Why else do you think kids loved being around him, what kid likes being around a boring adult? He was probably a fun youth pastor..nay..the funnest youth pastor of all time. He was always being invited to parties and events, and it wasn't just for his miracles, it was because he was a fun person to be around. I don't mean like he'd take the most shots of Galilean vodka or do the wackiest thing, he was just legit to be with. He was the original most interesting man in the world. The Dos Equis guy had nothing on Jesus.
Sinful people wanted to sit by him and just talk with him. Throughout the gospels we see him saying that he wasn't here to judge the world, but to save it; yes, he did distinguish what was right and wrong with seriousness, but he never neglected in making anyone feel like a someone. Everywhere he went, there were crowds wanting to see him; they anticipated when he'd visit them, because the feeling was mutual, he was counting down until he got to see them again! He had a genuine heart..the same heart we've been given now by the way. He wept when he got to Lazarus, he was troubled when he saw the old lady give everything she had to the temple, and he had true loyalty for his followers. And the public saw that. They saw the type of friend he was, not only to his 12 Disciples, but Acts shows us that he had a lot more that were considered core. There were a lot of people that were with him from the beginning who followed him and stuck with him until the very end that weren't part of the "12." And showcasing these relationships was a way to showcase the kingdom of God. People were interested in Jesus, not just because of the miracles and stories, but because he showed sincere interest in their individual lives.
2) BFF
The important part to get out of this, isn't that Jesus befriended everyone, because he didn't. He was only friends with his friends. And he didn't have the same level of friendship with everyone either. Of course, we have the Twelve Disciples that he was obviously close with, but not everyone he was close with were in the "12" like Lazarus, Mary, Joseph (who buried his body), and even within the 12 he was closer to others: Peter, James, and John. But that's okay, it's normal to have a big group of friends and be closer to some than others. Andrew and Phillip probably went to each other first before anyone going to anyone else (John 12:20-22). But regardless of who he was closest with, he was still close with them all, I mean they were always together, not too mention always traveling away from home, they only had each other.
But Jesus doesn't really talk much about how to be a good friend, because that naturally comes out of us. You naturally want to see your friend, you naturally want to hear what's going on in their life, you naturally care about them, you're naturally interested. What Jesus teaches and shows them is: what you should do with your group of friends.
He didn't have to teach what a good friend is, because it's innate, we want to be a good friend to our buddies, but he did have to teach what a people-group of God looked like, because that's definitely not in us. Almost every time Jesus spoke and used the word "you" it was plural, he was saying "you guys."
Jesus had his different levels of friendships, and he also had the people that he wasn't friends with but only taught, ministered to, warned, commanded, baptized, etc. But he never did it alone. He was always working with his friends.
He, undoubtedly, taught what individual inward/outward holiness looks like and talked about personal salvation, but he also stressed community. Because it's out of community that real evangelizing comes from. The beginning of Acts shows us that: "They had all in common," "Many were added."
It isn't about the size of your church, denomination, your pastor, your location, all the programs, the money being raised, how good the sermons are, the music. It's about your group of friends. Your individual group of friends (including your family). The people you hang out with, you eat with, watch a movie with, tell everything to, joke around with. Produce with.
3) Missional Communities
There's a reason Jesus said, "where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am.."
That's the average size of a group of friends. But the key is, what are you doing with them? Just sitting around? Or are you taking care of the poor in the way you can? With or without the beer after, it doesn't matter. There's no one else you'd rather do missions with than your friends. Not a forced "church outreach," or an awkward "Married community." The real church can't be real if we aren't real, and we're most real when we are with our friends or family.
Not that anyone needs the lesson, just always a helpful reminder for us: the church is not meant to be a 501(c)3 organization with a president and a bunch of members who have to donate; the church is the giant body of Jesus Christ, with a whole lot of different parts doing different things in different places in different ways. A 1000 member church isn't one large community, it is a gathering of a bunch of group of friends that intertwine. We don't all have to be doing the same thing to be the real church, just following Jesus. So to answer the question, "are your small groups working?" you have to ask if your church is equipping and assisting group of friends that already exist or trying to make some Christian-looking social clubs. I can see the eyes rolling like "give me a break," but out of my own experience the best small groups I've been a part of are the ones where it started with a group of friends and they were simply adopted into the church's list of groups vs the church trying to artificially create one.
Read More: James 2 (small group notes)